Sunday, November 25, 2007

ON peoples lives....

stop the madness!! why are we repeating history??i just came back from a MASSIVE JAM at 12 midnight because the cops are having roadblocks everywhere!!
the government is trying to prevent the demonstration by MIC by stopping all indians from going to KL...what will that achieve?honestly, i feel that the government is not solving this problem appropriately...they are handling this the wrong way...honestly, who is the PR person for our government because he sucks!there is no use stopping people from doing a demonstration..that only shows even more that people have no human rights...we have the right to vote, to have our own opinions...why can't we have our own opinions?

V FOR VENDETA
"PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE AFRAID OF THEIR GOVERNMENT, THE GOVERNMENT SHOULD BE AFRAID OF THEIR PEOPLE"

without people, there is no government...there is no country.

why are we fighting against each other when we look at other countries having wars? do we not learn from our mistakes and the mistakes of others? do we not want peace and harmony?

why can't we go to KL?why does everyone have affected by this?why?i have wasted my petrol and my time and my life being stuck in the jam...people are losing their jobs because they get to work late..the whole country's economy will be affected by this...why can't people see that?why must we fight?aren't enough people dying already?why must we spare more lives?why can't we all live happily?what was Visit Malaysia 07 for when tourists come and see us being so uncivilized and childish?why must we hurt each other?at least America is having war against another country...we, we choose to have war with ourselves?what does that prove?our country and our people are now weak and vulnerable...what will happen to us then? i believe that REVELATIONS is approaching..i can already here the trumpets blowing, the war is coming...death is near...so why do we have to quicken the end of the world?

i have such a bad feeling about the demonstration tmr...i really do...and honestly, my intuitions are almost always right...so frenz, anyone who reads this, please don't go for the demonstration tmr..not going will not show that you're chicken or anything, but it'll show that you are smart...seriously...people are going to get hurt..another MAY 13 is going to happen!stopp this madness please! we need to show this another way...
please people...THINK!
i don't care if i get caught by ISA......all i want is peace...........i HATE POLITICS!

Friday, November 23, 2007

On the things my friends say...

sometimes...wait...i take it back...MOST OF THE TIME, my friends come up with the weirdest things to say..i can't deny that i don't say weird random phrases but compared to theirs, i am what you call a NOOB..seriously..here's a list of what they have said...

SWEE WEI's weird phrases and quotes:

1)on people not finishing their food: "think of all the hungry children in africa running around naked"
*karen's question: why are they naked?
*calyn's question : already the children hungry, some more they running around?

2) "i think in advance"

3) "i laugh spontaneously"


JACQKIE'S hilarious phrases and quotes:

1) when trying to say that something is really obvious, she wanted to use a metaphor, so she said.." its as obvious as a donkey on a.....sand?" (i think she realized she said the wrong thing while the words were coming outta her mouth halfway)

*she meant to say that it was as obvious as a camel on the sand...hmm..even so...its still a weird metaphor, don't u think?

2) when i was sick, a friend of mine made a joke *thinks hard but can't remember the joke or the friend..* and i laughed so hard that it hurt my sides...so i held the right side of my stomach and said "i laugh so hard till my kidneys hurt.....wait....is this my kidney? *holding side of stomach*

Jay: *points at his heart* no, this is your kidney...

Jacqkie *replies sarcastically and with full confidence of wanting to 'bang' (ejek/insult) Jay* : HAHA HA..you think i NOT that stupid ah?

*sudden feeling of deja vu while writing this...did i write it before?hmm...who cares..*

AUDREY's recent blooper (i think she has been infected by the Jacqkie and Sweei disease, but thankfully she's not in as critical a condition as Jacqkie and Sweei is...) *fuh..* *wipes sweat of forehead*

while having a meeting...we were talking about a christmas party and our colleague asked us what the corkage is for ******** restaurant, and she wasn't sure so she said, "i think its about RM40, if i'm not too sure la..." *she meant to say 'if i'm sure la"

the other blooper is the one i've already posted in my previous blog where Mangales passes her a notebook and:

Audrey: and this is?

Mangales *very sarcastically* : a "NOTEBOOK"...

*she meant to say "and this is for?" but i don't think that would have made a difference....wahahaa...*

that's not all people...that's just a small portion of it...there's a lot more nonsensical things that my friends say but i just don't have the capacity to think or try to remember it right now...but don't worry, when i do, i'll tell you..

DENISE'S BLUNDERs

DENISE *while driving the car* *after insisting sooo much that its better that she drives instead of me because i was having a headache* : i don't usually use breaks..*GASP*

CONCLUSION: really smart people have no common sense. no no, let me rephrase that...SMART PEOPLE REALLY HAVE NO COMMON SENSE.

********************************

on a WORKing note...

audrey, denise, sweei and i have recently been giving the responsibility of organizing (with supervision of Manpreet, the head of events department) the company christmas party...

this is what happened...

the date for the proposal presentation of the party is today (23rd Nov) at 11am...

Manpreet gave us this job YESTERDAY...(22nd Nov) at 3 something pm..

wtf wei! damn kau last minute!omg!!! but we did ok la...they said that our ideas were great and that we did a good job...alls well that ends well..wahaaha...is that the rite spelling?who cares..wakaka..

*********************************

on another note...

wtf wei...police having road block everywhere!omg...come on la...at least if you're blocking the entire highway, make an effort to at least LOOK like you're doing something and not just stand there...(not even stand there..you lean on the railing somemore!)

while we're in our cars wasting petrol and according to sweei, waiting to pee...you stand (or lean) outside blocking half the highway for no utter reason at all!

even yesterday i saw you blocking half the highway but checking the motorcycle lane! wtf wei...don't you think we have places to go? more important things in life than listening to reruns of songs on the radio!

an hour of my life was wasted in the car today because of the traffic jam...i hope someone reimburses me....hmph...

Thursday, November 22, 2007

ON weird questions...

the company i am currently working with just organized a roadshow about contraception...it was a post event for World Contraception Day which was held on 26 September..the roadshow lastest 4 days from 15-18 nov...wow...what a hectic 4 days!i worked for 12 hours from 10am-10pm and not only that, i had to come to work with Audrey at 8:45am just to set up the booths..then we had to wait till everyone left the curve for us to put things in their courtyard..*yawn* still so tired from that event..
anyway, even though the event was very tiring, i still learnt alot from it, and one of the things i learnt alot about is the various contraceptives that are available!

well, world contraception day is about "raising awareness about unplanned or unwanted pregnancies" (i had to say this so many times throughout the whole four days...again and again and again...*sigh*)
well...i'm not going to talk about contraception...but i'm going to talk about some of the weird and sometimes very "intelligent" responses people give me when i pass them booklets or when they're playing one of our interactive games...

when passing booklets:

scenario 1:-

ME: hi, we're celebrating world contraception day..

woman pushing child in baby trolley (aka stroller) *looks at book* (or more like stares at book): well, i'm pregnant now....so....(says very angrily or sarcastically....)

ME: (wanted to say *don't think you're very happy with that,so you SHOULD have a book...) *pauses* ok thank you..


scenario 2:-

ME: hi, we're celebrating world contraception day..

white man: well, i'm married and have a child on the way...so i'm fine...

ME: *pauses* ok thank you...
*why do people think that they don't need to know about these things if they're married or pregnant? think people...its for future reference...in CASE u DON'T want to get pregnant or don't want to have anymore children!!DUH....


scenario 3:-

Audrey: hi, we're celebrating world contraception day..


white guy: excellent! *walks off without taking the book*


when playing interactive games:-

Question: something released by a male during ejaculation

Clue: S _ _ _ M

Answer: SPERM

indian guy's answer: STEAM?



ME: *very long pause* umm...no, its not steam....


the most surprising thing is to find out that there are alot of people who don't know how to play tic tac toe...(i hope YOU do...)..u know...noughts and crosses...the X and the O....u know?
omg!!it was so hard explaining people about the concept of the game..omg...

anyway...malaysians should have better english and should seriously learn to talk english!

ENGLISH people, ENGLISH!!

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

On meaningless conversations

before i begin my blog about meaningless conversations...i must first say this...

i honestly cannot understand how people can stay on the computer for hours without end.

i have been looking at the computer everyday for almost 10 hrs while sitting in the office. honestly, my eyes are strained and i feel like the screen is melting away my brain. i literally feel the brain cell dripping..(maybe my ear will start dripping liquid - brain liquid) how can people look at the computer for hours and hours and find something interesting to do. what the hell? all i know to do on the computer is to go on facebook, read my frenz blogs, write in my blog and search for stuff. THAT'S IT! other people go on Youtube and find things to watch..omg i would rather watch and sleep on my bed rather than look at a damn computer screen for hours...i can't even watch tv for so many hours..i NEED HUMAN CONTACT. I NEED HUMAN COMMUNICATION. I NEED TO LOOK AT HUMANS. i feel like poking out my eyeballs and washing them! bleddy hell!

to my love: i miss you like crazy, i wish u were here so that i could be with you, rest on your bosom and sleep with you forever. i wish that i could hold you close to me to keep me warm..i wish that i could hug you and never let you go. i wish that my heart did not ache missing you so much..i want you...i want you so bad..i want to caress you and touch your soft, comfortable skin...oh my love: my pillow, my bed...i miss you like crazy...

********

today i had a great meaningless conversation with my friends. i remembered friend of a friend who played 'i never' a fun drinking game where people's secrets can be revealed by lots of liquor and a big mouth and the 'keinginan' to feel unique...he said "i have never been fisted before"

*note: fisted is to put your whole fist into another person's asshole or butthole
when i told them that i suddenly remembered that guy's statement, our minds started to wander and our imaginative brains began to draw weird images..

me (thinking): how can someone put a whole fist into someone else's ass? WHY would someone do it? WHY would someone want it to be done to them!!mother! that would hurt!want to take a friggin big piece of shit outta ur ass aso muz push like crazy n hurt so bad...want ppl to actually put their whole friggin hand in there?!!!wtf!hmm...wonder how they do it?

denise (talking): they usually put 3 fingers wan...*sounding so experienced*
*makes hand gestures....shows closed fist then opens them*

kerry: *shocked* WHY WOULD SOMEONE WANT TO OPEN THEIR FIST WHEN THEIR HAND IS UP THE PERSON'S BUTT?!!

after a few moments of more imagining...

denise: imagine getting footed...

kerry:imagine if the fella's leg size 11?

denise: good wat...long...

kerry:wide aso ok!

....*sighs to self while writing this blog...*

*********

another meaningless conversation...

denise: how long is 6 inches anyway?*shows hand gestures,figuring out the size..measuring..* like this?

kerry: no no...smaller...

denise: quite short rite?

kerry: how big do you want it to be?

denise: not big...long...hmm *ponders* *makes hand gestures...elongates measurement...measuring nine fingers with left and right index finger* (picture it in ur head...)
then about 9 - 11 inches?

kerry: omg 6 inches edi so long...

sweei: that's like the size of a clown's foot wei..

kerry, denise, audrey *momentary silence* then bursts out laughing...

kerry: of all things you think about clown's feet!

sweei: yeah ma because clown's feet all big wan mah...

kerry: yeah but there are alot of other more logical things that are long ok...

sweei: yeah but because.....

kerry *cuts in*: because denise said something about getting footed right?

sweei *pauses a moment*:.....yeah! yeah! because she said that..

kerry: hmm...you just used my idea because its more logical right? you wanted to say something else right?

sweei: um....no....i...

kerry *cuts in*: i should have let u say wat u wanted to say 1st...

*note: we were all talking about this while having lunch..guess that proves that we don't have weak stomachs..

WHAAHAHAHAA...OMG!!FRIENDS...

********
another scenario.....

while walking back to the office...crossing the road...(there are cones in the middle of the road used a a divider...there are chains connected to the cones...)

audrey calls me and tells me about another confusing thing sweei said...

audrey: kerry kerry, you know what sweei said? she said..."so thursday is the same day as friday?"

*unfortunately i understood what sweei meant..anyone else reading this would be just as confused by audrey*..you know why unfortunately?because i understand most of the nonsense that comes outta her mouth (dun be angry sweei...its just a joke..)

*note: they were talking about a roadshow event audrey and i were going to on thursday,friday,saturday and sunday...

what audrey thought sweei said:
thursday = friday

what sweei meant:
the event on friday will start and finish the same time as thursday...hence..."thursday is the same day as friday.."


while audrey was about to tell me what sweei said, she crossed over the chain and looked at me, then turned around to look at the road....and there was a lorry! (that almost hit her btw...it would have if it wasn't driving so slowly...)

kerry *looking at sweei AFTER crossing the road*: see sweei...talking to you can kill people...talking to you is DEADLY....

sweei..*sweat* -.-"

whahahahaaa...
these are my friends....

*********

something that just happened while writing this:

mangales, the person in charge of us...just came and passed all of us notebooks..she passed one to sweei then walked to audrey (who sits opposite me) and hands her the notebook...

audrey: what's this?

mangales: a NOTEBOOK *very sarcastically*

whaahahaha!!! sweei laughed i guess because audrey alwiz teases her about being blur and all that and finally audrey does something silly too...whaaha...payback's a bitch huh, audrey? whahaaa...
*btw sweei juz msg me juz after that happened and said "waahahaa...finally can BANG her.."*
whahaaaa..am i not supposed to say that sweei?sorrreee..but its juz too funny to leave out!

THIS IS MY LIFE.............EVERYDAY!
AND I LOVE IT!
(except the looking at the computer for hrs part of my life...)
*events happened as written in this blog did not go EXACTLY like how i wrote it..sorry la denise and audrey i can't remember everything exactly as good as YOU!ish ish...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

on editing pictures

today.....was a long day....here i am again sitting in the office, but this time, not tired from lack of sleep but tired from editing pictures...my task was to edit 10 pictures and 10 words using PAINT...not photoshop...because the task i had done at home with photoshop had no background, and there is no photoshop in this office...*sob sob*...imagine editing photos, resizing them while keeping their resolution high and everything with PAINT!mother!!!*curses in multiple languages unknown to human kind*

1st i had to just print screen them while they're zoomed in then cut them...then, i had to resize them 'within' 5 inches...then...i had to make them all the same size by making their backgrounds ALL 5INCHES! zomg!!!!*pants due to frustration and irritatingness and tiredness of using paint *curses again in unknown language*...

after sitting in the office for 8 hrs (while having 2 hrs break - one because my supervisor and i had to shift places from one corner of the wall to the other....its about 5 feet apart (the distance) - and the other is having lunch break (to which my beautiful frenz n i decided that 9 hrs in the office is not enough that we have to hv lunch IN THE OFFICE as well..we ate sandwiches and lots of murukku, indian sweets and jacobs biscuits..well..not we...denise and audrey actually..i just ate my WHOLE can of tuna...*yumyum* but *full full*..) i finally finished the whole thing...after reediting it again and again and again...omg i tell u..damn frustrating..
not the working part..the fact-that-PAINT-fucking-sucks part....ISH!


on a lighter note..

i went to kfc and saw the meterosexual side of shaneil...he finished eating and washed his hands, then he sat back in his seat and said "ewwwww....*looks at hands* still so sticky...yuck yuck..
my reaction...*sweat*=.="

also, i saw my baby after so long of not seeing him...yay...but only for like half an hour...ish..
went back and plopped on the bed after that...bleddy hell...tired...

on editing pictures

Monday, November 12, 2007

on the first day of internship...

today...i woke up at 5:45am...(okay i pressed the snooze button and woke up at 6am...)
dressed up in my new 'intern' clothes, heard a horn...didn't care....heard my mom calling, "hey!she here edi la!"...rushed downstairs with my new BALALACA peep toe, black metallic shoes with a golden buckle in front (which hurt on only my right leg, made me feel that my right leg was bigger than my left) and entered audrey's car...we talked and talked and went on the federal highway where we talked and talked some more...we talked so much until audrey got distracted and didn't realize that the car in front of her had breaked until i said (or maybe shouted *gasp*) "break..break...break now..i mean...break NOW!"..then we turned up to the kononnya 'penang' bridge (my mom calls it that) or a.k.a the motorolla bridge and picked denise up while a shaggy looking shaneil with boxer shorts and a t-shirt said bye to her...then we drove again and reached the oh-so-famously-expensive phileo damansara building and cursed at the parking architecture and bad spelling of malaysians (the parking goes block A, B, C, E,F, G, D....*urgh*) and reached our new workplace at 7:30A.M.

we met up with swee wei and went into office at 8.30A.M. where we waited to be allocated to our seats...we sat at our designated desks and the IT person, joey, played with our computers and put our names and passwords in that really made me feel like an employee there! joey also thought us how to use the printer,fax,scan and photostat stuff...

then we waited and waited, fondling with the computer till 10.50A.M where we were called into the conference/board room to have a briefing...we were told about cleanliness, telephone calls, door bell ringing and our job as interns by Mangales...a weird part of the conversation was...

Mangales: here, take these and sign them...
Denise: *pauses*, signs paper, then says: umm...is there a particular format for writing....
(at this exact moment, i thought, "good question!she's gonna ask about format for press release or proposals!")
Denise:for writing the DATE?
kerry(and i think everyone else in the room): *sweat* *sighs* *looks weirdly at denise's question* *confused*

there, we also met with the MD, Felix who's a hot swiss guy with a french/german accent (he has blue eyes and blonde hair)..then, Mangales introduced us to everyone in the building...then manpreet emailed us to read about the clients....and we rread and read till lunch time....then we went for lunch in little chino....then we went back to the office, then i read and read everything in the whole folder...then i looked at my facebook, then i looked at my blog...then i wrote in my blog...then i am still writing in my blog....wonder what i'll do next?

on how women shop.....

it all began at 10 something this morning...i woke up at 9 A.M. (i was actually supposed to wake up at 7A.M. to watch grey's anatomy but i missed it!dang!) just to wash the porch bcoz denise and shaneil were coming down to klang to buy formal clothes for internship...i was a little late bcoz they all wanted to go shopping at 11 and i had not started washing the porch yet! so i rushed to bathe my dog,wash the porch and wash my mom's car...when i was almost done, audrey msged me and told me not to rush because denise and shaneil were gonna be late...hmph...anyway...audrey was going to drive so she picked me up and then picked denise and shaneil from the train station...
OMG!audrey was an ok driver just that she was quite slow at breaking...*gasp* and scared the hell outta me quite a few times...we went to eat bak kut teh bcoz shaneil hadn't eaten that for 3 yrs..we went to a bakkutteh shop behind klang parade and ate delicious *yumYum* bakkutteh...
then, denise drove the car into klang parade and......*sigh* attempted to park the car...ATTEMPTED because she almost hit the pillar twice!(she reversed d wrong way n instead of turning away from the pillar,she turned into the pillar....TWICE!)omg...shaneil's opinion on her driving was....(i defended your driving even when i nv sat in ur car before....*sigh*...u disappoint me)
then we went on what i thought was the shopping of a lifetime! (and not in a good way!) we first went to reject shop and found some nice cheap clothes...we didn't buy them though because we thought there would be better clothes elsewhere within klang parade(kp) so....we went to one shop, went out with nothing, went to another shop,went out with nothing....and another,and another,and another,and another....and guess what? we went out with nothing!!! omg! for all you klang ppl, i know you'd disbelieve when i tell you that we took 5 hrs shopping in kp!!!5 FRIGGIN HRS and we bought NOTHING! (*sigh* women...) well, THEY bought nothing....omg...(except starbucks coffee...hmm...)i bought a blouse and a pair of pants though...
then we went on to jusco (jj) and shopped there...i got split up from them because i followed Fiq's car...i went there, tried on some clothes and bought a skirt, another pants, and a blouse...
i rili dunno what audrey,denise and shaneil did because i think they only bought a few stuff...
the shopping mania ended with me rushing to buy a nice pair of shoes for only RM24.95! hahaa...then we went to audrey's house for dinner and ate the char siew her dad cooked with delicious dumplings or something that looked like dumplings...SEDAP! then audrey was supposed to fetch me home and denise and shaneil to the train station....

all i can say is...................AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
so friggin scary!!!!!!!!!!shaneil actually screamed (which at 1st i thought he did it to scare the shit outta me, which he achieved, but later i found out he was really scared shitless too!!)

*sigh*.........i came home safely...

now...guess what i'm doing?i'm at the office as an intern writing this blog....i've done everything they told me to do...now i'm waiting....waiting waiting for something to do.....................................
giler babi expensive this place...parking is RM20plus a day and food is MAHAL!!

Sunday, November 11, 2007

On what college students do once they have their freedom PART 3

nov 8, 10 sumting A.M...

after sleeping for oni 4 hours, i woke up after realizing that all my frenz were already awake and we all got ready to go to pyramid because aud wanted to buy some clothes for clubbing...*yawn*

sweei fetched denise,shaneil,carol,aud n i to pyramid and while the others went to kim gary's for bfast, carol n i roamed around pyramid looking for handycraft stuff for carol's project.....*gasping for breath* (carol ran around finding stuff because she was hungry and wanted to quickly finish so she could eat....)

after alot of walking around and eating, we WALKED back to carol's place from pyramid....
i wanted to sleep for a while but couldn't so i helped carol with her project and sadly DID NOT REST AT ALL!!!! *yawn*

nov 8, 8something at night....

we all met up at carol's place and left for kl...
sweei,jacqkie,karen,aud n i went in sweei's car while carol,denise,shaneil and cheryn went in beh's car....
we met up in d mamak in front of atrium and ate dinner and decided to check out atrium as they had buy one free one bottle before 10...
sadly,when beh n i went to atrium,we were TWO MINUTES LATE and the offer was gone,but we got another offer of 5 gals free one bottle....bacardi lemon again!wheeeeee....

ATRIUM WAS FRIGGIN EMPTY THE WHOLE NIGHT!
wow........deepavali really made a difference man....ish ish...no one was there even though kononnya an event was happening there....
we even went to maison around 11something....and IT WAS EMPTY THERE TOO!no one was dancing!not even one person...heck even the DJ wasn't there yet!wtf!!

we went back to atrium and had a few drinks.....
i was sooooo tired i got a headache...*dizzy*
shaneil was gone after a while..
jacqkie was also damn high....
cheryn was abit tipsy...or maybe she was too excited...i can't tell the difference..hehee..
everyone else was sober....
pity karen...1st time clubbing....zzzzz.....boring night in atrium...
we went home around 2 something because shaneil was too gone edi.....*sigh*


denise drove sweei's car because she scared i couldn't drive even though i was already ok by that time....
a lil info on how denise drove....
she said "she doesn't usually use breaks" *gasp*
so....you make your own opinions on that la....
(oh and only when she was driving halfway was she nice enough to tell us that she didn't bring her license... *GASP!!!!!!!*)


anyway,aud,karen n i overnight in sweei's hse n even there we didn't sleep straight away..we talked till about 5 sumtin A.M.... (during this time i was calling my bastard bf who didn inform me of anytin while he was in ipoh till 3sumtin A.M. and din answer my calls d whole night (neither did his frenz) which scared the hell outta me....dun worry d bastard was fine...juz asleep..arse!)
we woke up at around 11 sumtin the next day and went home after that....


CONCLUSION:
1)this is how my frenz n i decided to cramp everything in two days because we oni had four days of holidays before our internship started...
2)do NOT go clubbing during deepavali
3)do NOT let ppl who "don't usually use breaks" AND forget to bring license drive anymore
4)do not give communication students only a few days of holidays or this is what will happen
5)i was awake:
from Nov 6, 3P.M till Nov 9, 12P.M = 82 hrs....
how much i slept? ONLY 11 HRS!!!!
this is MY LIFE and.......I LOVE IT!!!
lots of love to beh,carol,denise,shaneil,aud,sweei,jacqkie,karen for making my holiday (even if its a short one) a BLAST! and....LET'S DO IT AGAIN!!!!
love u guys so so much!thanks a lot! especially sweei for driving us around everywhere and beh too!
and carol for letting us stay and destroy her place and lending me her baju...
thanks denise for spending me in lagoon!
p/s:have fun at internship!
i shall post up all the photos i took with carol's camera as well as the photos of our rendezvous soon..

On what college students do once they have their freedom PART 2

nov 7, around 6pm...

we went back from lagoon and plopped on the beds and sofas available because we were too damn tired...but dang it..we have to get ready to go out for dinner! while beh n carol went to pasar malam and steamboat in cheras, aud,sweei,denise,shaneil and i had to accompany jacqkie to pizza uno in taipan because lil miss J wanted to spend time with her baby at kar weng's bday party (which the rest of us weren't invited to..not offended or anything..dun worry kar weng..)

so we had to bathe even though we were reluctant to (dirty ppl) and left around 7:30pm...

nov 7, around 8pm....

we reached pizza uno and got our own table in pizza uno while jacqkie went for kar weng's party and guess wat??denise,shaneil,sweei,aud and i shared 2 large pizzas,one soup,one fettucini pasta,one fried calamari,one tiramisu,one stickydate pudding,and one more dessert amongst ourselves which came up to RM150plus!omg!so expensive wei!denise and shaneil were so nice to share their dishes with us and still pay for most of it.....thanks again you two! we had a great time there talking about stuff from religion to racism to attempts at tricking jacqkie that we left her in pizza uno (which didn't work)...we left full and satisfied around 10 sumtin...


nov 7,around 11pm...

we went back to carol's place to have our drinking party..this time oni beh,denise,sweei,jacqkie,shaneil,carol,aud and i were at carol's place...carol thought us the drinking game which is where all the cards are arranged into two circles,one big one surrounding the smaller one (looks something like a target)..the game is to take turns to pick a card and the rules are a lil like this:

red cards: anyone that picks a red card has to drink the amount that is on the red card (if u get a red 7,u hv to drink 7 shots,or sips)

black cards:anyone that picks this card can ask someone to drink the amount that is on the card or divide amongst a few ppl

Queens: there is a cup in d middle of the circle used for these cards. the person who gets this card will fill the cup wit as much liquor as they want and the person who gets the last queen card has to down everything in this cup.

kings: anyone who gets this card has to start a rhyming game where the person says a word and the next person has to say something that rhymes with that word...if someone rhymes wrongly,repeats a word or is too slow, the hv to drink a shot...

jacks:anyone who gets this card gets one toilet break (in this game no one is allowed toilet breaks except the person holding jacks)..

results of the game:

sweei: stopped halfway because she got allergic to the kahlua...she had red patches all over her body and looked like a cow....

jacqkie: hated the taste of kahlua mixed with milk because she hated milk...and maybe she hated kahlua too...gave up and plopped on the bed beside the now diseased sweei....

audrey: was fine all the way even though she was the one who got the last queen and hot to down half a glass of hard liquor....till i told her to stand up.....(because oni if she moved she can feel the effects of the alcohol) and i was right...
she felt the liquor...
she felt the high....
she felt the sofa...
she felt the bucket...
she felt the puke....
she.....
went kuku for a while and layaned herself.... :

asked who made alcohol (shaneil said george wahington)
realized she drew better drunk
almost kicked the iron from the ironing board

denise: didn't drink at all and was too busy taking candid photos of everyone...took photos of sweei's diseased body....took care of the-now-drunk aud...

shaneil:layaned audrey for a while....then layaned his guitar the whole night...

carol:gave up after seeing everyone getting high and played computer...

beh:fell asleep because too boring or too tired...i dunno...slept through the vomiting even though the whole place stank of puke (hmm...wonder how he could not smell the puke) ...left at about 5A.M...

me: was sad that i didn't get high and started taking pics of everyone....stopped a while because couldn't stand the smell of puke (i easily regurgitate)

after that,everyone slept except me n carol......we chit chatted till about 5 something A.M. ...


-to be continued-

On what college students do once they have their freedom

tuesday night,Nov 6.

i picked up Fiq and we had a safe drive to subang parade from the so-fucking-jammed-up-Klang-even-though-it-was-already-8pm! to celebrate the beautiful, sexy miss (or now MRS) denise chhoa teng nee's bday in TGIF...there,we met up with denise,shaniel,pei (shaneil's sis-in-law?),daren,jacqkie,audrey,n ash (hey ur ere too!). Fiq's fren Simon came too...almost all of us had burgers as it was the cheapest thing on the menu..and yay! ais kosong was free there!wahaha..

well,after a lot of eating n dipping into Ash's JD sos, denise finally had the oh-so-famous TGIF bday sing song sang to her! she had to stand up on her chair while wearing a skirt and was FORCED to sing with a freaking huge pepper (shaker?) that looked like a huge dild....well...let me leave that part out...anyway, Aud asked her to sing 'killing me softly' and she sang it beautifully with her freaking saprano voice that can go to a key i can never ever reach with my own voice...

after that came the bday song..."i don't know what i've been told,someone's getting freaking old!" whahaaa...

den she was forced to blow her cake (only one piece of cake la kesian her...she even shared it wit all of us!) while standing up there...i rmb the waiter telling shaneil after she blew the cake that denise was a very good blower! whahahaa..you go girl!

mind you we still had IMC (issues in media content) the next day which i did not even study for at all! but i still stayed there till bout 10:30 lo..

Nov 7,early early in d morning....

i went home and watched tv (even though i hadn't touched my notes) and only at 1 something did i actually read unit 1..wahahaa..fail lo..

i didn't sleep at all and continued studying till the wee hours of the morning...heck..i studied till there wasn't anymore wee in the morning anymore!

i went to college, took the exam at 9am.....den..............came out and was like........exams are over!!!!

yay!!!!!

around 11 something A.M.,

after that...my beautiful frenz sudden suggestion to go to sunway lagoon during denise's party was unsure yet so we sat in our beloved college mamak to discuss our plans...(and i tell u...we ALWIZ plan but NEVER make decisions!)...so since everyone was going to lagoon...i had to choose whether i was going to ipoh with Fiq or go lagoon with them or go pyramid with Fiq if he doesn't go to Ipoh...wtf wei!i'm in a much worst position than all my frenz!!!

anyway i chose to go to lagoon which pissed Fiq off and made him go to ipoh...

we went to carol's hse to prepare and find swimsuits...(Aud wore a very very SEXY bikini!ish i wish i had d confidence to wear bikini like carol n aud...) and then....


sweei,aud,jacqkie,carol,denise,shaneil,beh,derrick,fina,and i went to lagoon and paid RM36 for both wet n dry park...(thx denise for belanjaing me!)

first we all went to the dry park to go on some rides which carol and sweei were freaking scared of...one was the pirate ship thingy that went 180 degrees...oni aud,beh,jacqkie,denise and shaneil dared to ride it and it was sooooo funny because jacqkie was screaming like a crazy woman while aud was complaining about her boobs being squished by the safety (belt?)..wahahahaa...

then we went on the tomahawk which was my fav ride because i'm scared shitless of it (the last time i went on it the safety thing unclicked and loosened a lil which scared the hell outta me)...i sat beside jacqkie and again...it was so funny i could not even scream! while the ride had only swung about 45 degrees, jacqkie was like...."like that only AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!OMG OMG OMG OMG MAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

till the whole ride was over!!!HAHHAAHHAHAHA....seriously...the amount of times she said OMG i think God would have came down from heaven and said "WHAT!!"


then we went for a ride i think was called buffalo bill's ride blablabla (which i tot was buffalo balls at first) which was a ride where u sit on a log and go up a slope and freefall down (something like a rollercoaster)...that too was funny because this time we forced sweei to ride it even though she was afraid of these kinds of rides....so jacqkie sat in front of the log,i sat in d middle and sweei sat behind me (so she can hold me or squeeze me if she gets too scared)...it was hilarious because she was making some weird sounds which i could not distinguish if she was scared or excited..wahaha...

after a few more rides (one which jacqkie almost fell into d water because she was distracted by shaneil asking her if the ride had vibrations anot)....we all headed to the wet park..

after a long day of swimming, dipping in the water, and swinging our hair like baywatch to do some kononnya sexy shit, we all headed out around 5 something and realized we all got sunburnt...(bleddy hell,carol said i look like a zebra because i'm 2 toned now!)


-to be continued-

Monday, November 5, 2007

pain to hard to bear...

you see...you alwiz walk away...i never do that to you...
whenever we fight,even when i get frustrated with you,i never walk away..when we fight so badly,i never turn off the phone,i never DON'T answer ur calls and i never DON'T reply ur msges..even when i don't want to talk to u,even when listening to ur voice breaks my heart into pieces,i still answer...i sacrifice so much...all my pain...all the times when u hurt me...soooo bad that i sometimes i even feel that life's not worth it...-yes..i do feel it sometimes..-
you don't get it do you?i don't want luxuries or money..i juz want the little things..i'm not like other gals who want jewelery and riches,i juz want you to show me...show me that i'm actually someone in ur life..that i'm actually someone important to u..that i'm actually special..am i?when i ask u..u can't even tell me..why...why u love me..and when i cry,you don't comfort me...instead u sigh as though i hv irritated u..as though i'm bothering ur oh-so-perfect life..
i know that i hv hurt u juz as much..
but i hv never walked away..to know that you feel so frustrated with me tat u can't even talk to me makes me feel.........
u used to walk all the way to my hse to see me...
take up extra tuition juz to be with me..
now..
its so troublesome for u to even come see me..for u to even send a virtual gift..
but u can send many to other people..
u said i'm important..
so where am i in ur list?
number 25 or lower?
i wish i knew where i stand in ur life..
i wish i wasn't so totally in love with u..
i wish i wouldn't feel so hurt..
i wish i couldn't feel..

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

On women getting raped

i watched criminal minds the other day (criminal minds is sooooo COOL! i love tat show!) and it was an episode about a woman serial killer who follows jack the ripper's killing style...and she finds wandering men (men who go bar hopping and look for women in groups of 2-3) and u know y she started killing these men?

because one day she was at a bar wit a friend of hers and of course, women who go to bars alwiz wear clothes that would attract men or juz to get some attention..so she got 2 men's attention and they brought her to the second floor of the bar and there,they raped her. she was screaming and ppl downstairs heard her but no one did anytin.

after that, the police came bcoz someon complained about a 'disturbance' at the bar..2 policemen (partners) went to check it out and the 1st policeman didn't believe the woman bcoz..

1) he said the outfit she wore showed that she was ASKING for it

2) he knew one of the boys (who raped her) and said tat he was a good boy who didn't need tis kind of nonsense in his profile.

the second officer believed the girl.

so why am i saying this?

because..after that show..i told my mom (she was watching it wit me) tat i SERIOUSLY DISAGREE that women DESERVE to be RAPED.

i believe tat even if a woman walks around naked in public, she DOES NOT DESERVE to be raped.

and my mom argued tat some women wear obscene and revealing clothes that shows tat they were asking for it..

but NO! i said...some women juz wear revealing clothes bcoz they tink and feel tat they look awesome in it! and even if some DO wear revealing clothes to attract attention..tat still doesn mean tat they DESERVE to be raped!

i rili feel strongly about tis and seriously disagree tat women deserve to be raped..
like audrey said..watever they 'ask' for when they wear attract attention is wit consent..and RAPE is with NO consent!

do u agree wit me?give ur opinions...

Saturday, October 13, 2007

one CRAZY nite!

well..it all began with a mundane day at college where we went for class till 3pm..then the fun began..we were supposed to celebrate swee wei and karen's bday on 11th october...so..swee wei, audrey, karen and i:

3:00pm - 4:15pm = waited for taylor's bus to come to get a FREE ride to subang parade

4:15 - 5:00pm = lepak in subang parade dessert corner till swee wei's dad came to pick us up..

5:00pm - 7:30pm =lepak and got ready to go subang parade for dinner

8:00pm - 9:00pm = met up wit calyn, denise, paul, and caroline chia in subang parade's dave's deli

after that....

sadly, karen could not follow us clubbing so only audrey, swee wei, jacqkie, caroline chia and i went clubbing..
we reached asian heritage row and tried to find free parkin but as it was ladies night, there was obviously NO free parking..so instead we decided to park on jalan yap ah shak for RM10, and since it was 5 of us gals, we divided it evenly so each of us oni paid RM2 for parking..
we decided to check out atrium as the last time i went, they said that if u go there b4 10pm and buy a bottle, you get one free..event though by the time we reached there it was edi passed 10, we decided to check it out anyway as the atmosphere was cool there (my opinion anyway)

YOU KNOW WHAT?
i went to the front desk to ask if cover charge was free for guys (bcoz caroline lim and her guy frenz wanted to join us) and what the bouncer said was "you gals are lucky bcoz you came just in time - if 5 gals come b4 11pm, you get a free bottle".. and guess WHAT? we got NGAM NGAM 5 GALS!!

omg we were so lucky!so we went in with a FREE bottle of Bacardi Lemon (although it was only 70ml, it was still FREE!) so we drank and drank..hehe..
jacqkie told me to get the bday gal (sweei) drunk..so i did..hheehe..made her take a sip of hard liquor, but since she could not take it, i put abit of coke in it and told her to down it and tat i'll down one with her..(but she only downed HALF!while i drank the whole thing!damn u sweei!) anyway..she got rili tipsy and high..wwahahaha..got abit crazy after tat...she was so cute when dancing!! btw there was no one on the dance floor so oni the 5 of us gals were dancing in the middle of the dance floor layaning ourselves..whahahaa...it was fun though..and surprisingly, jacqkie wasn't afraid to 'layan diri' with us! during tat time my fren carol lim and her guy fren 'charles' met us there..wah we were like VIP there wei..i told the bouncer tat my frenz might be coming..and he said tat i din hv to wait for my frenz and tat they juz had to tel my name and the bouncer would bring them to my table..whahha..(btw the bouncer's name was HANIF..and when i saw he he looked so familiar..turned out he was an XFresh curiser who came to my college to be an MC once..hehe..)

anyway, since sweei and i nv went to maison, we decided to check tat place out for a while..and since carol lim went there alot, she decided to be our 'tour guide' for tat nite..she brought sweei, aud and i to maison and brouht us in..(wahaha ladies night free entry!) and it was cool! we checked out the whole area and after tat, we danced a little and apparently, two guys wanted to dance wit sweei (tapi x dilayan..kesian..i guess they din realize how high she was..) there were abit too many chinese guys there..i terserempak with victor (hi vic!) there too...anyway, after a while, we decided to leave as we din want to leave jacqkie and carol chia alone and with the drinks..wahaha juz jk guys! as we were walking out of maison, we saw Adam C the VJ for 8tv (the 'now high' sweei gave him a high 5!omg!) as well as Haris Iskandar(is tat his name?man..i rili dunno celebs!) which sweei saw and pointed right in his face..and i mean right-in-his-face-almost-poking-him-in-the-eye!

we went back to atrium and drank summo...and danced summo..omg! you shud see sweei dancing!she was making rounds around the dance floor and couldn't stay on one spot..she pulled carol chia's blouse ribbon open and almost pulled her skirt down too! she even hugged me so tightly from behind that i almost choked to death! then suddenly, when i tol her to sit down and rest abit, she looked at her blouse (a black baby lolita) and twirled around to make her blouse twirl like a skirt! omg it was so funny! and she did a few weird and crazy moves too! it was sooooo funny u shud've been there! we couldn't keep her still as she kept dancing around all of us..and i mean ALL of US!

syafiq, logesh and chacko joined us after that and we also met up with edmund and kamini(my juniors) and her bunch of frenz..chacko was fun and logesh too...but syafiq as usual din dance alot..hmph..

i tink i danced continuously for almost 2 hours man! i only stopped for a few mins when i was tired and continued dancing again and again with everyone! jacqkie was damn popular tat nite wei!so many guys wanted to tok and dance with her..even the ambassador of the club!sadly,not alot of hot guys there..there was a cute white guy but he danced abit weird..

after a few nites of clubbing, i have concluded tat:
1) i absolutely LOVE clubbing!
2)i'm too broke to make it a lifestyle
3)i wish i had money,my own car, and no curfew!
4)guys nowadays can't dance to save their life! (not all guys though..but the ones that can are so rare and so hard to find!)

5)gals shud NOT take or accept drinks from random guys even though they've tried it beforehand! and i'm saying this specifically to someone! (unless u know them well enuf or trust them with ur life!)

6)i want to go maison next!anyone care to join me?
7)atrium is soooo cool!!!its atmosphere is sophisticated and classy, nice layout of the club, cool seating (couches) and tables, reasonable price for liquor (except beer..quite mahal) and has two floors! - downstairs: RnB, usptairs: half house..which i tink no other club has..so its like 2 in one! and contrary to what my frenz and i tot, its not a new club..i saw d club's name in juice mag (but it stated tat atrium was a bar, not a club..i guess tat's wat's changed..) and the bouncer (Hanif) and workers are quite friendly and service is good! (chewah..like promoter for tat club oni..)
anyway, i love that place! not alot of ppl goes there though...but tis is my opinion...mayb other days its packed..anyway frenz...please check tat place out!it RAWKS!
btw..just to let u guys know..
weds and thurs in atrium: any 5 gals who come b4 11pm gets a free bottle but guys are strictly NOT allowed to drink the free bottle

fridays in atirum: buy 1 bottle free 1 bottle b4 10pm..

there is NO cover charge there..

anyway...we chaoed at 3pm and went to mamak near jackqie's hse and after tat aud and i went to sleepover in sweei's hse..the end..

overall,it was a rili chun nite for me and for sweei, i hope she had lotsa fun since tis was kinda like her bday party..love u sweei!!hope u were HAPPY~

p/s: we only spent RM2 each (for parking) the whole night..(excluding mamak)

a few pics of that nite (jackqie's camera was too friggin big to go clubbing so we used her camera phone instead..)
the sexy mamas in atrium(excluding me)
from left:caroline chia,swee wei,audrey,jacqkie,me and caroline lim
sweet jacqkie(right) and sweei (d bday gal) (left)

the now-so-tipsy sweei(left) with tired-from-dancing-too-much audrey(right)



from left:caroline chia, me,sweei and jacqkie (wat's she doing?syok sendiri..whaaha)



after a long nite of non-stop dancing...

from left:audrey,caroline chia sweei and jacqkie

random head above caroline chia and audrey....me...

Monday, September 24, 2007

all i want...

all i want is a camera..
to take pics of things that i love to see..
to take pics of ppl i love to look at..
to take pics of the beauty around me..
that makes me go on another day..

all i want is a camera..
to make life that moves so fast still..for just a moment..
to enjoy in the wonders that God has created..
and to make all those moments memorable..
because i'm just so forgetful..

all i want is a camera..
to freeze time, a happier time..
so that when times are bad,
i can look at the things that made my life worthwhile..

all i want is a camera..
to take pictures of friends and with friends..
for they are so precious to me..
for i know how it feels,to lose a friend and have no pics to remind me of the times i spent with her..
the times when we were smiling and laughing..i want them all back..i want to remember but i can't..because i have no pictures..

all i want is a camera..
to remember the love that life brings me..
the life that it breathes into my soul with the oh so many colors the world possesses..

i don't care if i look ugly on camera..
i love candid pictures..
i love taking pictures..
because i know..there will come a time..
when i won't be able to remember..
or when i won't be able to see..

u don't know how much i want a camera..

Sunday, September 9, 2007

omg its been so friggin long since i've blogged!

as i said...OMG...whahaa...u know what..its been so hectic that i had no time at all to update my blog..(n i'm kinda lazy too..haha..anyway..here's a few updates..i've become the head of events department for my cpm project...project PHUNK (which u all must must must support!) and we've so far done garage sales, teddy bear sales, a roadshow in Celebrity Fitness (thx so much for ur support!) and the 'heal the heart' where u stick plasters on a big cardboard heart to show ur support..(sounds icky?actually its really cool..)

and we are going to have another garage sale on the 11th and 12th of September in TCSJ main campus...as well as our official launch in TCPJ Auditorium on the 19th of sept...and a hotdog eating competition on the 19th as well!!love to eat?come join!it's only RM5 per entry and there are some cool prizes to win!
here are some pics of the event...

Celebrity Fitness PHUNKshow on 29th August


more pics of the roadshow



more pics on the roadshow..

garage sale in TCPJ..


garage sale in TCPJ

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Lights, Cameras, Camwhores!

sleepy sleepy... its almost 2am and we're beginning to doze off as we wait outside KL Sentral..feeling like backpackers, or beggars? hmmmm...Karen!you're supposed to be sleeping! ish..


GO GO power rangers!er..not so powery than bored out of our mind as we wait all ALONE for Audrey's mom to pick us up from KL Sentral because the government suddenly decided to stop all trains from Bukit Jalil Stadium just to make us civilians suffer a hefty sum for taxi fees (40bucks!)



we didn't get the VIP tickets like Karen and Audrey did..we were left with the NORMAL fans..haha..more camwhoring as the concert started late..noticed that it wasn't a cold night as i'm drenched in sweat..(can't really see in this pic though..)



look at that cute,hot drummer pouting his lips at us..haha..what's his name again?ahh..doesn't matter..


even MORE camwhoring! (what do you expect..3hours of waiting in line waiting..) At this exact moment, a little boy's trying to cut into our line quietly but we were very careful not to let him!


more camwhoring..


from left: Karen, Audrey, me and Swee Wei doing abit of camwhoring while waiting for Good Charlotte to come to Subang Parade for an autograph session...sadly they could only autograph their new album so only Audrey got their signature..and we waited for almost 3 hours!!

Thursday, June 28, 2007

suicidal...?

It hurts so much to know that the person you'd sacrifice everything for won't sacrifice anything for you..seeing so many movies, hearing so many stories, i always knew love was special..but now..love seems like the farthest thing in the world i can achieve..i always try to make people feel special..telling them how important they are,showing them how much i care..yet when it comes to my own life,i feel nothing but pain..do i deserve love at all?am i worth anything?because i feel as though i deserve all the pain and heartache..and when i thought i had found someone who i actually believed who tot i was special,again,i was fooled.i am nothing but a useless,meaningless person in this world,wandering about awaiting my time to desolve from the face of the earth..yet i think of my life as precious,because God gave it to me..not because it is important to me..i have never felt this much pain before..it feels like someone cut open my chest with a small knife slowly so i would feel the pain,and instead of ripping my heart out,he decides to cut it strip by strip,letting the blood flow out slowly,then stabbing it vigorously until there is no more beat and no more heart.i have never felt this kind of pain before - when the thought of death seemed much easier then breathing..i want to SCREAM but i can't..someone would hear me..i want to cry but i can't..someone would hear me..i can't do anything but keep silent..letting the pain boil inside of me like a volcano waiting to erupt..maybe i could take drugs and make the pain go away for a while..but that won't do anything..what do i do?what can i do but sit at home,listening to my parents shout at me,putting more salt on the wound..i can't escape..i can't runaway..and i can't tell anyone..because they can't know my pain..and the only person who i would tell caused me this pain..death seems like a good idea sometimes..too bad i can't be suicidal.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

A lost love...

It was on the 1st of May 2007 that i learnt how fragile life is..three of my friends past away in a car crash that affected the lives of so many people,including mine...imagine waking up in the morning and getting a phone call that your best friend and two other friends have past away in a car crash..and imagine that,just moments before,you were sending your best friend and message,wishing her happy birthday after not seeing her for almost two years..and thinking to yourself that you couldn't call her because your phone had no credit..i wish i had called her..it was just half an hour after i sent her that message that they found her body..i couldn't cry when i found out,even seeing her lying in the coffin..all my mind was saying was that she was sleeping,like a beautiful child,and that she would wake up any moment..i couldn't believe it..and sometimes,it is still hard to believe that she is gone..
The worst thing is knowing that all those times when she was here,i couldn't see her or meet up with her..i oni called her once last year because she was staying so far away..i have never had anyone close past away before,and 3 passing away at once was a terrible thing..
I found out how fragile life is from this incident..and i thank her so much for teaching me that..all those petty problems that has happened in my life seem so unimportant now..i try not to be too concerned about petty things now..i love life so much more now thanks to her..

My Beautiful best friend Reshween and me on her 17th birthday party in KEC

To my best friend:

i thank you for being a huge part of my life, and teaching me so many things..i remember the times when we used to be so amazed about how many things we had in common and i laugh at all the moments i had with you..the memories of us will always remain in my mind and your spirit will always be in my heart..even though we weren't close for the past few years,i still feel like i know you so well..you will always be the beautiful girl with a great heart and have a love for sarcasm as much as i do..i love you so much and i will never forget you...

Thursday, January 25, 2007

too much pain

i miss how i was when i was young,
vibrant and full of excitement,
beautiful and skinny,
that's what the world wants now..
beautiful and skinny,
poised and elegant..
i am none of that..
i used to have my confidence,
i used to have my pride,
but slowly,
that too is fading away..
leaving me with nothing..
i am like an empty vessel,
with nothing inside..
is it possible for my heart to hurt anymore?
because i have felt so much..
too much..
that i don't feel pain anymore..
i don't feel anything,
i am too tired..
too tired to feel,
to tired to cry..
i just want to sleep forever....
oh God,please take away this pain inside.....

Unworthy

Day after day, i can't help but look around at all the people passing by..it's like one of those movies where i just see my life passing right through but i am sitting down - so still,looking left and right..wondering why..i look at all the beautiful faces around me..girl and guy..and i start to wonder..... i used to have such a confidence in myself that i did not care about anything but my own thoughts and my own actions..i only cared about what's in my heart..but day after day..i all i keep hearing is everyone saying, "you're ugly" to my face..and day after day my heart breaks a little, and my confidence fades..all i am now is a shadow..like a ghost wandering around earth,haunting,but isn't actually seen..even a ghost is better than i am..they are talked about everywhere and people fear them,whereas i,am just transparent like them..nothing more but dust bunnies flying in the air waiting to be swept or blown away....i can't help but look at all the beautiful faces, left and right, guy and girl..everyone more beautiful than i am..all the girls with their long legs and their beautiful curves..i want my confidence back..i want to go home to parents who say they love me instead of saying that i'm fat and ugly..they say i can't make it in the real world because i'm not beautiful..is that true?i'm starting to think that it is..i do not write this because i feel sorry for myself,i write this because i want to release whatever pain i have and hope that God might take away my pain and give me back my courage..i want to feel whole again..like i am worth something..or at least,it that is not possible..i just want my long fringe back,so that i may hide my face and my scars from all the beautiful people..

Sunday, January 21, 2007

momentary sadness

i've been asleep for so long,
dreaming of a world where love is all that matters..
my heart lingers on the fantasy of a man that saved me when i was drowning,
that held me close and gave me warmth in the blistering storm,
and that gave me the most passionate kiss that i will never be able to feel from a real man..
why do i have to wake up?
in my heart,that dream was real,
and when i awoke,
i didn't know which was my reality..
oh God,
let me go back to that moment when the whole world was at peace and everyone was happy just being in love - no worries,no pain..
oh God,
just let me fall asleep again..

Friday, January 19, 2007

my first time

This is my first blog ever...i actually never thought highly about blogging..never understood the concept of having a diary that everyone can read..but i guess everyone sees blogging in a different way..i'm using it as a way to express myself..and to voice out the opinions i've always had but never bothered to let venture anyway further than my mind..i guess this is where i show my bare essentials to the world (or at least anyone who's reading..). i'm guessing i won't be an everyday blogger, but i'll write whenever i feel like screaming and/or shouting at the world..haha..its funny how i used to say blogging was stupid but i'm doing it now..does this make me a hypocrite?..actually, i always try to do things that i don't like, to try and change my opinion about it..weird huh?..i guess i'm kind of peculiar in my own way..u'll find out more as i continue, or shall i say IF i continue blogging..(i never do finish things..i always start but leave things hanging in the end..)